I had a dream last night, and I was wondering whether I should be happy about it or should I feel sorry for myself.
Don't get mer wrong, it was a nice dream, but that's exactly why I think I should feel sorry for myself. Because it was nice and in the end, it was just a DREAM.
Because I am not a celebrity of any sort, there is very little worry that anyone would bother to read this blog, thus I am almost free to ramble on my personal life.
As it happened, I dreamed I was in my college, with my ... err... I'm not really sure what we are at the moment, so maybe I should just say romantic interest...
So anyway, I was with this guy that I like, and we were in my college. I don't really know what in the dream was he doing there with me, but what the hell, I let my dreams be. And we were happy. Holding hands, laughing at silly corny outdated jokes and *gulp* kissing *squeals and hides* while no one was looking.
Nothing beyond that because I had to wake up, lol, but it was a nice dream nonetheless.
Maybe I'm just happy to dream about it because in many many ways it's quite impossible and yet I want it to happen so very very much.
It's not that we weren't in love. Well, he had admitted to being on love with me at one point or another, and I will not deny anything about my feelings for him, but there are just circumstances that I'm sure of us could do anything about.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Falling in love with him is worse than having an affair with a married guy.
Because marriage had divorce, annulment and whatnot, but being bounded by blood is unbreakable.
And yes, we ARE related.
Now, if her were a second or third cousin of mine, or if we could call ourselves distantly related, I wouldn't be hesitating this much. As it happened, he's my Dad's first cousin, so the distance in our family relationship isn't really distant now is it.
Once again, I am happy that no one would probably read this blog.
Do I love him? I believe so.
See, I'm not the marrying type, and I would get in a relationship for the sake of saying I'm in one, but I tend not to see myself married with kids etcetera (I have commitment issues), but when I'm hopelessly undeniably in love, the thought of having a family with the guy that I love makes me giddy like a high school freshman.
And with him, giddy is an understatement.
I hope I'm not misreading his actions, I don't think I am, if his attempts to grab my hand in the dark and trying to walk beside me was any indication (it would be kinda weird if he were just afraid of the dark now would it?).
So once again, I am left with the mixed feeling of happiness and pity for myself that I only got to be happy in that dream.
Well, what should happen will happen, so I'd rather let things work out on their own.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
My Favorite Quotes from Eyeshield 21
"we don't have time to waste asking for things we don't have. we can only look for the best way to fight with the things we have for our whole life"
-Hiruma Yoichi Volume 37 Chapter 325
"Even second-rate males have a single right allowed to them. That is the right to challenge the boss of the group in a fight. It's up to you to live while using that right or to live while not using it."
Hiruma Yoichi Volume 37 Chapter 330
-Hiruma Yoichi Volume 37 Chapter 325
"Even second-rate males have a single right allowed to them. That is the right to challenge the boss of the group in a fight. It's up to you to live while using that right or to live while not using it."
Hiruma Yoichi Volume 37 Chapter 330
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Topsy Turvy: Another Love Story Chapter 4
Chapter 4 - His Thoughts
For Kian, Ria was a scary girl
If mythology has Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships, he had Ria, the girl that harbored his thousand fears.
But he likes her.
He really likes her.
In truth, hindi ganoon ka-ganda si Ria, definitely not a Dream Girl, wouldn't even pass for Girl-Next-Door, but there was something in the way she carried herself- with dominance - that scared yet attracted Kian at the same time.
Sa palagay niya naman hindi siya masochistic to be wanting a dominating girl, therefore, it must be something else.
And speaking-or thinking- of which, there she is, Ria, waiting for a bus pauwi.
Her expression is blank, but Kian could tell that she is just deep in thoughts, as usual.
It was probably one of the few things that intrigued him about her. Ria's thoughts were never transparent. The ongoings in her line of thought is a mystery to him.
She isn't like any girl she's even met before.
Kung nagkataong maganda lang si Ria, nung first week pa lang ng classes, niligawan na niya siya.
It wouldn't have been a big deal. May itsura naman siya- in fact lots of people have said na gwapo siya, and kahit papaano naman siguro, may personality siya, there's no Reason for Ria not to like her.
And kung naging sila and then he found out that he couldn't love her, they'd break it off, but he'll remain friends with her, as with his other past relationships.
But somehow Kian didn't think Ria would be up to that. Kung naging sila and then nag-break sila, he thinks Ria would probably hunt him and his descendants forever.
Ganyan siya ka-takot ka Ria.
Pero lahat yan ay nasa isip lang niya.
Ria is not a very beautiful girl, Ria is not his girlfriend, he and Ria were not together, he and Ria cannot break-up, and it even looks like she isn't going to fall for the likes of him.
But he would like to be friends with her.
"Ria!" he called out to her, but she didn't respsond, her gaze straight and unwavering. Hindi ba parang masyado pang maaga to be daydreaming?
"Hey suplada!" he called her again.
This time, her shoulders raised abruptly, like she'd been surprised, then turned to look at him.
Finally, your attention.
"Kanina pa kita tinatawag pero hindi mo 'ko pinapansin", he said with a smirk, "sabay na tayo umuwi."
For an answer, Ria looked at him blankly, at medyo tumayo ang mga balahibo sa batok ni Kian at that gaze.
Then she nodded.
Paglapit niya kay Ria, he could see that her eyes were glazed, as if she'd been in the verge of tears before he called her out.
"Huy, ayos ka lang?" he asked, concerned. No self-respecting man wants to be beside a crying girl.
She nodded again.
"Anong problema?" he asked again, unconvinced.
Ria chuckled dryly, obvious pretense, "wala, nag-e-emo lang, uso kasi eh."
Kian raised an eyebrow. Dapat joke 'yon, but she said it with almost no emotions kaya naging corny tuloy. Poor excuse of a joke...
“Corny mo,” he said flatly, but almost unconsciously.
Now that wasn’t meant as a joke, pero tinawanan lang ‘yon ni Ria like it was meant to be funny, and this time, it’s a genuine laugh.
“May load ka?” he asked.
Kian’s got a vague feeling that he’s out of control. Pero hindi niya alam kung bakit. It felt like he was going to do something outrageous any time now.
Ria pulled her cellphone from her bag and offered it to him, “unli.”
Great. Kian smirked inside, for some reason. Then he took the cellphone from her.
“Text mo ko mamaya ha.”
And then dropped the bomb.
Sabi ko na nga ba may gagawin akong...... shet!!!!
What the hell?! Shut up, Kian, shut up!!!!
But he found himself typing his phone number(stop that!!! Stop!!!) and saved it under his name. He was almost tempted to save it under 7vHvW, but fortunately was sane enough to decide against it.
Corny corny corny corny corny!!!!
He handed the phone back to Ria, who had the what are you doing look in her face.
“What?” he asked her, feigning little innocence.
Ria shook her head, “wala”. Tapos tumungo siya na parang may hinahanap sa lupa. Hindi lang masyadong sigurado si Kian, pero parang nakita niyang nag-blush si Ria.
Buti na lang dumating na ang bus.
Pag-akyat nila sa bus, dalawa na lang ang bakanteng upuan, magkatabi pa.
Looks like Lady Luck’s been looking out for him after all.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
New Code Geass Manga Shikkoku no Renya
I really don't know how to react to this.
I so ADORE Lelouch, so Code Geass without him as the main character sort of... well, makes me want him back.
For the record, I've only seen Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion, manga and anime, so it might probably be that I just don't have experience reading CG without him.
But, seeing Renya ( the main character of CG SNR) reminds me of both Suzaku and Lelouch ( with the hair, the scowl and all that ).
I also can't seem to understand the timeline well. Based on the clothes, it seems like it'll look like a prequel to R1 and R2, but the story features someone who looks incredibly like Lelouch....
meh.... but since the first setting is in an isolated village, it could be that it's just the clothes... but then again, the villains are not using automatic guns and stuff...
so yeah it confuses me
Anyone who wants the download can get it here http://cxcblog.wordpress.com/ (not mine btw)
It's actually available for reading on mangafox so you can just read it online if you don't wanna DL (Personally though, I download it so that I still have a copy even when it disappears online).
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Concrete Garden
Concrete Garden is actually a Japanese Comic (manga) that I've read just a few moments ago. Just because it's comics doesn't necessarily mean it's for kids. If I were to rate it, I'd probably say Mature, and even then I won't recommend this to people with a weak or shallow way of thinking.
My love for homoeroticism aside, I do believe this is one manga to challenge minds out there. I'm not a great person, I'm not old enough to say that I've acquired the wisdom of age so I don't really know how said wise minds will think about it. In other words, what I'll be babbling about here is completely based on my opinion of the manga.
I don't want to summarize the story, I will only say something about the cannibalism part. To be blunt, this post will be another part of my campaign against animal cruelty and dog meat trade.
At one point in the manga, Toki (the angel who eats human flesh)tells Kiyoharu (the protagonist) that eating human flesh is the same to him as eating fish and poultry and goes on to tell the story of the first blood-sucking mosquito who had the courage to drink blood from a mammal and continued doing so because blood has more nutrients and it tastes better. He even states that his preference for food would be a woman with a bit of fat in the inside.
To Kiyoharu (and to most of us as well), the idea of knowing a cannibal is downright appalling and we'll find ourselves ready to throw up. Toki responds by saying that that's because we are looking at it in a human's perspective.
Point should be well taken right there. It is from a human's point if view. Personally speaking, I can't eat any red meat. I have witnessed livestock being slaughtered, and even until now, I cannot get myself to forget the cry of a goat as it is killed hanging. It sounded too human for my ears. My thoughts as a child went somewhere along the lines of "Please stop it". And my thoughts went from that to "If you can hear that kind of cry and still kill, who's to say you can't kill a human begging on his knees for his life."
Yes, I'm a dark person by nature.
People I know who are included in the dog meat trade and dog butchering own their own pets at home, and even now I still wonder how those pets remain by their side knowing what their masters kill some of their own and may as well kill them in the near future.
It's like being the loyal child of a heartless murderer. To a child, until his/her mind is at a certain stage, the parent is god. So you see your god killing people and you think "he wouldn't do that to me". That is how much trust a child gives to the parent. But pets give more trust than that.
When a child grows and s/he realizes the wrong of parents, he has the mind to refuse it. He can work for a different future, move away and live his life the good way if he wants to.
But for pets, that trust and that love is eternal. There is no such thought as betrayal, or running away. There is only loyalty.
So for that loyalty to be repaid by cruelty and death, personally, I think is inhumane.
Shame on humans, huh?
My love for homoeroticism aside, I do believe this is one manga to challenge minds out there. I'm not a great person, I'm not old enough to say that I've acquired the wisdom of age so I don't really know how said wise minds will think about it. In other words, what I'll be babbling about here is completely based on my opinion of the manga.
I don't want to summarize the story, I will only say something about the cannibalism part. To be blunt, this post will be another part of my campaign against animal cruelty and dog meat trade.
At one point in the manga, Toki (the angel who eats human flesh)tells Kiyoharu (the protagonist) that eating human flesh is the same to him as eating fish and poultry and goes on to tell the story of the first blood-sucking mosquito who had the courage to drink blood from a mammal and continued doing so because blood has more nutrients and it tastes better. He even states that his preference for food would be a woman with a bit of fat in the inside.
To Kiyoharu (and to most of us as well), the idea of knowing a cannibal is downright appalling and we'll find ourselves ready to throw up. Toki responds by saying that that's because we are looking at it in a human's perspective.
Point should be well taken right there. It is from a human's point if view. Personally speaking, I can't eat any red meat. I have witnessed livestock being slaughtered, and even until now, I cannot get myself to forget the cry of a goat as it is killed hanging. It sounded too human for my ears. My thoughts as a child went somewhere along the lines of "Please stop it". And my thoughts went from that to "If you can hear that kind of cry and still kill, who's to say you can't kill a human begging on his knees for his life."
Yes, I'm a dark person by nature.
People I know who are included in the dog meat trade and dog butchering own their own pets at home, and even now I still wonder how those pets remain by their side knowing what their masters kill some of their own and may as well kill them in the near future.
It's like being the loyal child of a heartless murderer. To a child, until his/her mind is at a certain stage, the parent is god. So you see your god killing people and you think "he wouldn't do that to me". That is how much trust a child gives to the parent. But pets give more trust than that.
When a child grows and s/he realizes the wrong of parents, he has the mind to refuse it. He can work for a different future, move away and live his life the good way if he wants to.
But for pets, that trust and that love is eternal. There is no such thought as betrayal, or running away. There is only loyalty.
So for that loyalty to be repaid by cruelty and death, personally, I think is inhumane.
Shame on humans, huh?
Topsy Turvy: Another Love Story chapter 3
Chapter 3 - The Bastard
Her heart jumped for a second but she shrugged the feeling off.
Jordan
Her heart jumped for a second but she shrugged the feeling off.
But the feeling of seeing him was like smoking marijuana. Nakakaadik.
Ah love...
So OVERRATED.
Ah but past is past.
Sabi nga no doraemon, ang mata nasa harap para makita ang daanan, hindi para iyakan ang nagdaan na.
Ria mentally slapped herself. Getting way too corny there.
And then dumating si Sir, and guess what, may quiz. Great.
Mukhang oras na para mag-voltes 5 na naman.
On normal days, Ria sat on the front row kasi mala-piso ang laki ng sulat ni Sir Singko at near sighted pa naman siya.
But on quiz days, Voltes 5 sila. Katabi si Ria ng mga girls na nakaupo sa unahan ng Head Master Cheater himself, Jabby.
Although Ria severely doubted that Sir Singko didn't know. In her opinion, pinababayaan na lang sila ni Sir Singko na mag-gayahan since aanhin ba naman ng Computer Engineers ang Strength of Materials.
Okay, sige, ibato mo yang PC mo at i-calculate natin ang stress at pressure na kailangan para mayupi ang casing. Great.
Sa malas na lang ni Ria, katabi niya si Grace, who wouldn't copy without getting an explanation, so more often than not, Ria gets to copy only half the answers.
On occasion Ria would joke "kopya muna bago tanong", but it had a meaning to it. Parang pandesal na may palaman.
After quiz, parang mga cellphone sina Ria, lowbat. , so what everyone really wanted was just to go home.
As it was, hindi pa tapos ang kamalasan niya because parang napaka-rare ng bus paaauwi. Everytime na
Not that she was scared or anything.
Pft. Like any pervert would even dare take any initerest in her. Kung meron man, it must be a pervert with a VERY VERY bad taste.
But she hated it cuz it gave her free time, and what else - or who else - could she possibly think about but -gulp , the damn insensitive bastard.
"Hey, suplada!", someone called out and Ria instinctively looked.
Kian was waving at her.
But hindi ako ganoon ka-suplada!!!!
"Huh?" she said unintelligently. Why was he talking to her?
"Kanina pa kita tinatawag pero hindi mo 'ko pinapansin", he repied, "sabay na tayo umuwi."
... to be continued
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Topsy Turvy chapter 2
Chapter 2 – Life’s Grandeur
Boy, he was hot. Now if only she could remember his name, then that would be great. Perhaps, she could strike a conversation and they could hit it off from there.
Jahe. Kumbaga sa flash drive, and memory niya is comparable to 128 MB, maybe even worse, like a 16MB SD.
“Oi thank you!” he said while nudging her arm.
Ah, finally,some appreciation.
“Yeah sure,” Ria mumbled almost inaudibly. This was one of those times she wished she had the looks to go with her confidence.
Awww…. !!! Not this again. As in pwede ba? Tama na!!!
She was already having a complex with her looks, she did not need another self-pitying session.
Speaking of which, she idly wondered how she would deal with her backstabbing so-called friend.
Sabi ni Aljure, said backstabbing friend posted something on Multiply.com, feasted by said backstabbing friend’s CS friends, mocking Ria about her looks.
Great. Like she didn’t know that already.
Alam naman niya lahat ‘yon, c’mon. And she couldn’t even say blame it on the genes.
Wasn’t life just grand?
She’s having a crush with her hot classmate who’ll probably never like her back, the four-year-love-of-her-life recently found a girlfriend, and her so called trusted-friend was backstabbing her.
What else could happen?
Hot classmate poked her shoulder, snapping Ria from yet another self-bout.
“By the way, ano nga palang pangalan mo?”
Ria blinked once, twice, maybe thrice.
She heard that right, right? He was asking her name, right?
For a moment Ria was almost speechless as she struggled between flirt or snob response. Shet! Ano ba? It’s not like her name is anything important?
“Ria, you?” At that moment, she was glad she had some talent in drama, otherwise her voice could have betrayed her.
What the hell? Was she really a flirt? Wala namang ibig sabihin ung pagtanong ni hottie ng pangalan niya, di ba?
“Kian,” he responded timidly, but with a slightly lopsided smile.
She had wanted to hear something akin to nice meeting you, but that would have been too much. After a few awkward and silent moments, he left her as casually as he had come. Sometimes, iniisip na ni Ria kung boring ba talaga siya. She was rather eccentric, so she doesn’t share most common people’s thoughts. She’s opinionative, but actually shy, how does that happen?
And in steps Mr. Damn Insensitive Bastard, Love of Her Life,Jordan
Boy, he was hot. Now if only she could remember his name, then that would be great. Perhaps, she could strike a conversation and they could hit it off from there.
Jahe. Kumbaga sa flash drive, and memory niya is comparable to 128 MB, maybe even worse, like a 16MB SD.
“Oi thank you!” he said while nudging her arm.
Ah, finally,some appreciation.
“Yeah sure,” Ria mumbled almost inaudibly. This was one of those times she wished she had the looks to go with her confidence.
Awww…. !!! Not this again. As in pwede ba? Tama na!!!
She was already having a complex with her looks, she did not need another self-pitying session.
Speaking of which, she idly wondered how she would deal with her backstabbing so-called friend.
Sabi ni Aljure, said backstabbing friend posted something on Multiply.com, feasted by said backstabbing friend’s CS friends, mocking Ria about her looks.
Great. Like she didn’t know that already.
Alam naman niya lahat ‘yon, c’mon. And she couldn’t even say blame it on the genes.
Wasn’t life just grand?
She’s having a crush with her hot classmate who’ll probably never like her back, the four-year-love-of-her-life recently found a girlfriend, and her so called trusted-friend was backstabbing her.
What else could happen?
Hot classmate poked her shoulder, snapping Ria from yet another self-bout.
“By the way, ano nga palang pangalan mo?”
Ria blinked once, twice, maybe thrice.
She heard that right, right? He was asking her name, right?
For a moment Ria was almost speechless as she struggled between flirt or snob response. Shet! Ano ba? It’s not like her name is anything important?
“Ria, you?” At that moment, she was glad she had some talent in drama, otherwise her voice could have betrayed her.
What the hell? Was she really a flirt? Wala namang ibig sabihin ung pagtanong ni hottie ng pangalan niya, di ba?
“Kian,” he responded timidly, but with a slightly lopsided smile.
She had wanted to hear something akin to nice meeting you, but that would have been too much. After a few awkward and silent moments, he left her as casually as he had come. Sometimes, iniisip na ni Ria kung boring ba talaga siya. She was rather eccentric, so she doesn’t share most common people’s thoughts. She’s opinionative, but actually shy, how does that happen?
And in steps Mr. Damn Insensitive Bastard, Love of Her Life,
Topsy Turvy chapter 1
Chapter 1 – Her mindset
“Your motto?”
The question seemed to be glaring at Ria from the index card she had to pass that day to her instructor. It was almost like it was mocking her, challenging her to a fight she really doesn’t want to make.
If she could answer truthfully, she’d write down:
Life’s a bitch, and then you die.
But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Bwisit talaga ‘pag mahirap na subject ang nanghihingi ng description of yourself.
Computer Engineering student, third year, REGULAR, she might add. Hirap na nga na pumasa sa isa, mantakin mong lahat ng subject niya mula first year eh naipasa niya.
Of course, mentally speaking, she was probably hovering between average learner to slow learner. Good thing I.Q. isn’t all math related.
Sometimes, it takes a little pretense to pass. Like when the prof is somewhere near, pull a book, a pen and pretend that you’re taking down notes. Every once in a while, ask a question in class and pretend you don’t understand something, then nod your head when he asks “you get it?”. It’s probably the only thing she will completely understand about her professors: their subjectivity definitely has an effect on your final grades.
“Ano ba ‘yan, ang corny naman ne’to? May motto pa na nalalaman eh!” Grace shouted behind her.
Corny? Ria wondered how Grace would react if she told her she actually liked the idea of writing down her motto. She wanted to avoid it, but truth be known, she really was a show off and wanted to write down something different that would definitely get her some attention.
Jahe. KSP nga talaga siya siguro.
Re-thinking, Ria decided to write down something from her good ol’ high school mottos.
“If rules are unbreakable, bend them.”
Yeah whatever. She just thought it sounded cool but it’s not like she actually knew how to make that work.
“May index card ka pa?” Hot transferee whose name she didn’t know said while sitting on the once empty seat beside her.
“Ah, meron,” she answered while pulling one spare from her notebook.
“Yeah, sa wakas!!” he replied while pulling it from her hand.
Bastard. Didn’t ask and didn’t even say thank you was in the ongoings of Ria’s head.
But he was hot. Kung naging stereotypical anime girl si Ria, she would have drooled or nosebled at the sight of him and short distance between them kanina.
Oh great. A crush. Just what she needed while she was in the process of burying and piling cement over her four years worth of unrequited love.
.... to be continued
“Your motto?”
The question seemed to be glaring at Ria from the index card she had to pass that day to her instructor. It was almost like it was mocking her, challenging her to a fight she really doesn’t want to make.
If she could answer truthfully, she’d write down:
Life’s a bitch, and then you die.
But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Bwisit talaga ‘pag mahirap na subject ang nanghihingi ng description of yourself.
Computer Engineering student, third year, REGULAR, she might add. Hirap na nga na pumasa sa isa, mantakin mong lahat ng subject niya mula first year eh naipasa niya.
Of course, mentally speaking, she was probably hovering between average learner to slow learner. Good thing I.Q. isn’t all math related.
Sometimes, it takes a little pretense to pass. Like when the prof is somewhere near, pull a book, a pen and pretend that you’re taking down notes. Every once in a while, ask a question in class and pretend you don’t understand something, then nod your head when he asks “you get it?”. It’s probably the only thing she will completely understand about her professors: their subjectivity definitely has an effect on your final grades.
“Ano ba ‘yan, ang corny naman ne’to? May motto pa na nalalaman eh!” Grace shouted behind her.
Corny? Ria wondered how Grace would react if she told her she actually liked the idea of writing down her motto. She wanted to avoid it, but truth be known, she really was a show off and wanted to write down something different that would definitely get her some attention.
Jahe. KSP nga talaga siya siguro.
Re-thinking, Ria decided to write down something from her good ol’ high school mottos.
“If rules are unbreakable, bend them.”
Yeah whatever. She just thought it sounded cool but it’s not like she actually knew how to make that work.
“May index card ka pa?” Hot transferee whose name she didn’t know said while sitting on the once empty seat beside her.
“Ah, meron,” she answered while pulling one spare from her notebook.
“Yeah, sa wakas!!” he replied while pulling it from her hand.
Bastard. Didn’t ask and didn’t even say thank you was in the ongoings of Ria’s head.
But he was hot. Kung naging stereotypical anime girl si Ria, she would have drooled or nosebled at the sight of him and short distance between them kanina.
Oh great. A crush. Just what she needed while she was in the process of burying and piling cement over her four years worth of unrequited love.
.... to be continued
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