I had a dream last night, and I was wondering whether I should be happy about it or should I feel sorry for myself.
Don't get mer wrong, it was a nice dream, but that's exactly why I think I should feel sorry for myself. Because it was nice and in the end, it was just a DREAM.
Because I am not a celebrity of any sort, there is very little worry that anyone would bother to read this blog, thus I am almost free to ramble on my personal life.
As it happened, I dreamed I was in my college, with my ... err... I'm not really sure what we are at the moment, so maybe I should just say romantic interest...
So anyway, I was with this guy that I like, and we were in my college. I don't really know what in the dream was he doing there with me, but what the hell, I let my dreams be. And we were happy. Holding hands, laughing at silly corny outdated jokes and *gulp* kissing *squeals and hides* while no one was looking.
Nothing beyond that because I had to wake up, lol, but it was a nice dream nonetheless.
Maybe I'm just happy to dream about it because in many many ways it's quite impossible and yet I want it to happen so very very much.
It's not that we weren't in love. Well, he had admitted to being on love with me at one point or another, and I will not deny anything about my feelings for him, but there are just circumstances that I'm sure of us could do anything about.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Falling in love with him is worse than having an affair with a married guy.
Because marriage had divorce, annulment and whatnot, but being bounded by blood is unbreakable.
And yes, we ARE related.
Now, if her were a second or third cousin of mine, or if we could call ourselves distantly related, I wouldn't be hesitating this much. As it happened, he's my Dad's first cousin, so the distance in our family relationship isn't really distant now is it.
Once again, I am happy that no one would probably read this blog.
Do I love him? I believe so.
See, I'm not the marrying type, and I would get in a relationship for the sake of saying I'm in one, but I tend not to see myself married with kids etcetera (I have commitment issues), but when I'm hopelessly undeniably in love, the thought of having a family with the guy that I love makes me giddy like a high school freshman.
And with him, giddy is an understatement.
I hope I'm not misreading his actions, I don't think I am, if his attempts to grab my hand in the dark and trying to walk beside me was any indication (it would be kinda weird if he were just afraid of the dark now would it?).
So once again, I am left with the mixed feeling of happiness and pity for myself that I only got to be happy in that dream.
Well, what should happen will happen, so I'd rather let things work out on their own.
