Just got into an argument...

I think I just got into an argument with my boyfriend....
And yeah, I DID just get a boyfriend, pretty recently.
Well, I think we're still arguing.
The reason? It's me. No sugarcoat whatsoever, it really WAS my fault.
Because I'm selfish, vain and overbearing. Basically, because I'm ME.
Well, truth is, what he said struck a particular nerve.
He said "Sinong nag ma may-ari sau, cge nga (You belong to who, huh?)". It was a question I was not particularly prepared to answer at the moment, you know.
So I replied "I refuse to 'belong' to anyone, if u insist to know, that is how it was, how it is, how it ALWAYS will be. Amen."
And again, YES, I knew that that would make him pissed for a few days or so. Hell, I knew it was going to start a rift in our new and rather delicate relationship. And you know what, I still sent the freakin' message knowing all that.
And his mood did change. Figures.
So yeah, that's why I said it was my fault.
Am I sorry? I'm sorry for hurting him, but I'm not quite sorry for telling him the truth.
Actually at the moment I'm feeling quite detached from everything. He said he was just trying to be sweet, I get that, I even understand that, but I still got pretty damn pissed.
I guess it was the fact that it felt like I was being acknowledged as an object to be owned that got to me. I've never been particularly fond of the line "you are mine". I let it slide every once in a while, but he implied it more than once today and I'm not in a very forgiving mood today.
Well, I wasn't. Until just now...
You know what he said? He said his feelings won't change no matter what I do....and you know what, I think I just fell a bit more for him.
It's twisted, isn't it? That I fell for a guy I'm pretty sure I hurt like hell using a few words?
Well, like i said, I think we're still arguing. So I'll leave this post be for the momentand get back to it when the said argument's over.

Have you ever....

Wanted to cry for a lot of reasons and yet for no reason at all?
COnfusing? Yeah, I know.
I kinda feel like that right now. I thought I was way past all these angsting. I mean, I'm not exactly a teen anymore, so it would be kinda stupid to act like I'm in puberty (thank GOD I'm over that), so why am I still feeling like this?
Honestly.
You know I'm trying to keep myself together, but lately I just feel so tired of it all...
Suicidal? Not anymore, I don't think so. I see my future ahead of me, and I want it, I want to hold it, so I wanna live for it at the moment, it's just that I feel so tired already...
Cliche as it sounds, I'm also trying to keep my face happy, or impassive at the very least, but there are just moments when I just wanna cry and scream it all out.
And I can't.
Haha. As of the moment, I'm in a position where I feel so suffocated and alone and pressured and.... just so tired...
I understand that there are people who are going through much worse than this, and I admire them for being strong. I want to be that strong too, but it gets hard when there isn't anyone beside me to lean on to when I'm feeling like this.
I don't have many friends to begin with.
My family is probably one of the reasons why I'm feeling like this.
My bestfriend is in Canada and it's so hard to find a common time.
No, I got no boyfriend.
And school's a bitch, you know that.
So yeah. I'm pouring my heart out over ths blog that no one would read, just so I can let all these out..