Unofficial Relationships Meme

Unofficial Relationships
MU
Mutual Understanding
Malabong Usapan
Malanding Ugnayan

Call it watchawannacallit, but it all means the same thing to me, a relationship that's not really a relationship.

I've been under quite a few of these and frankly I'm awed at myself for not wanting to settle on an actual official relationship. In a way, it's kind of annoying because you don't even know your status, and sometimes the "relationship" ends even before it becomes one, but then again that just makes it easier to move on from ....

Lately I've found myself in this kind of a relationship with a committed guy. Committed because they're not actually married, but they're boyfriend-girlfriend and they even have a kid. I sorta don't even know when it started from his end when he wanted this to happen, but I DO know that I've had a crush on him even before. Of course, I did nothing about that because it's a known fact that he's a committed guy. So WTF happened? I don't know, and I'm just rambling...I know I wouldn't have acted on the crush thing if he didn't actually show any intention of going further though, and right now I'm not sure what we are.

I'm kind of positive it's just a fling on his end. We haven't really talked about it and I don't have enough confidence in myself to ask him exactly what he thinks of me. I have a feeling this is just a fleeting thing that's bound to reach it's end pretty soon...

I haven't been blogging for a while now

Well, title says it all.I haven't been blogging for a couple of months now. I realized that after I've read the post right before this and back then I still had a boyfriend. LOL.

Anyway, I'm reviving this blog because I feel like shouting some stuff about what's been happening in my life but I know that I shouldn't. I guess that's one of the things that I like about being anonymous. I have a blog, yeah sure, but no one ever really reads it, so I'm almost free to post a lot of stuff worry-free

Just got into an argument...

I think I just got into an argument with my boyfriend....
And yeah, I DID just get a boyfriend, pretty recently.
Well, I think we're still arguing.
The reason? It's me. No sugarcoat whatsoever, it really WAS my fault.
Because I'm selfish, vain and overbearing. Basically, because I'm ME.
Well, truth is, what he said struck a particular nerve.
He said "Sinong nag ma may-ari sau, cge nga (You belong to who, huh?)". It was a question I was not particularly prepared to answer at the moment, you know.
So I replied "I refuse to 'belong' to anyone, if u insist to know, that is how it was, how it is, how it ALWAYS will be. Amen."
And again, YES, I knew that that would make him pissed for a few days or so. Hell, I knew it was going to start a rift in our new and rather delicate relationship. And you know what, I still sent the freakin' message knowing all that.
And his mood did change. Figures.
So yeah, that's why I said it was my fault.
Am I sorry? I'm sorry for hurting him, but I'm not quite sorry for telling him the truth.
Actually at the moment I'm feeling quite detached from everything. He said he was just trying to be sweet, I get that, I even understand that, but I still got pretty damn pissed.
I guess it was the fact that it felt like I was being acknowledged as an object to be owned that got to me. I've never been particularly fond of the line "you are mine". I let it slide every once in a while, but he implied it more than once today and I'm not in a very forgiving mood today.
Well, I wasn't. Until just now...
You know what he said? He said his feelings won't change no matter what I do....and you know what, I think I just fell a bit more for him.
It's twisted, isn't it? That I fell for a guy I'm pretty sure I hurt like hell using a few words?
Well, like i said, I think we're still arguing. So I'll leave this post be for the momentand get back to it when the said argument's over.

Have you ever....

Wanted to cry for a lot of reasons and yet for no reason at all?
COnfusing? Yeah, I know.
I kinda feel like that right now. I thought I was way past all these angsting. I mean, I'm not exactly a teen anymore, so it would be kinda stupid to act like I'm in puberty (thank GOD I'm over that), so why am I still feeling like this?
Honestly.
You know I'm trying to keep myself together, but lately I just feel so tired of it all...
Suicidal? Not anymore, I don't think so. I see my future ahead of me, and I want it, I want to hold it, so I wanna live for it at the moment, it's just that I feel so tired already...
Cliche as it sounds, I'm also trying to keep my face happy, or impassive at the very least, but there are just moments when I just wanna cry and scream it all out.
And I can't.
Haha. As of the moment, I'm in a position where I feel so suffocated and alone and pressured and.... just so tired...
I understand that there are people who are going through much worse than this, and I admire them for being strong. I want to be that strong too, but it gets hard when there isn't anyone beside me to lean on to when I'm feeling like this.
I don't have many friends to begin with.
My family is probably one of the reasons why I'm feeling like this.
My bestfriend is in Canada and it's so hard to find a common time.
No, I got no boyfriend.
And school's a bitch, you know that.
So yeah. I'm pouring my heart out over ths blog that no one would read, just so I can let all these out..

Lovely Dream

I had a dream last night, and I was wondering whether I should be happy about it or should I feel sorry for myself.
Don't get mer wrong, it was a nice dream, but that's exactly why I think I should feel sorry for myself. Because it was nice and in the end, it was just a DREAM.
Because I am not a celebrity of any sort, there is very little worry that anyone would bother to read this blog, thus I am almost free to ramble on my personal life.
As it happened, I dreamed I was in my college, with my ... err... I'm not really sure what we are at the moment, so maybe I should just say romantic interest...
So anyway, I was with this guy that I like, and we were in my college. I don't really know what in the dream was he doing there with me, but what the hell, I let my dreams be. And we were happy. Holding hands, laughing at silly corny outdated jokes and *gulp* kissing *squeals and hides* while no one was looking.
Nothing beyond that because I had to wake up, lol, but it was a nice dream nonetheless.
Maybe I'm just happy to dream about it because in many many ways it's quite impossible and yet I want it to happen so very very much.
It's not that we weren't in love. Well, he had admitted to being on love with me at one point or another, and I will not deny anything about my feelings for him, but there are just circumstances that I'm sure of us could do anything about.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Falling in love with him is worse than having an affair with a married guy.
Because marriage had divorce, annulment and whatnot, but being bounded by blood is unbreakable.
And yes, we ARE related.
Now, if her were a second or third cousin of mine, or if we could call ourselves distantly related, I wouldn't be hesitating this much. As it happened, he's my Dad's first cousin, so the distance in our family relationship isn't really distant now is it.
Once again, I am happy that no one would probably read this blog.
Do I love him? I believe so.
See, I'm not the marrying type, and I would get in a relationship for the sake of saying I'm in one, but I tend not to see myself married with kids etcetera (I have commitment issues), but when I'm hopelessly undeniably in love, the thought of having a family with the guy that I love makes me giddy like a high school freshman.
And with him, giddy is an understatement.
I hope I'm not misreading his actions, I don't think I am, if his attempts to grab my hand in the dark and trying to walk beside me was any indication (it would be kinda weird if he were just afraid of the dark now would it?).
So once again, I am left with the mixed feeling of happiness and pity for myself that I only got to be happy in that dream.
Well, what should happen will happen, so I'd rather let things work out on their own.

My Favorite Quotes from Eyeshield 21

"we don't have time to waste asking for things we don't have. we can only look for the best way to fight with the things we have for our whole life"
-Hiruma Yoichi Volume 37 Chapter 325

"Even second-rate males have a single right allowed to them. That is the right to challenge the boss of the group in a fight. It's up to you to live while using that right or to live while not using it."
Hiruma Yoichi Volume 37 Chapter 330

Topsy Turvy: Another Love Story Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - His Thoughts


For Kian, Ria was a scary girl

If mythology has Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships, he had Ria, the girl that harbored his thousand fears.

But he likes her.

He really likes her.

In truth, hindi ganoon ka-ganda si Ria, definitely not a Dream Girl, wouldn't even pass for Girl-Next-Door, but there was something in the way she carried herself- with dominance - that scared yet attracted Kian at the same time.

Sa palagay niya naman hindi siya masochistic to be wanting a dominating girl, therefore, it must be something else.

And speaking-or thinking- of which, there she is, Ria, waiting for a bus pauwi.

Her expression is blank, but Kian could tell that she is just deep in thoughts, as usual.

It was probably one of the few things that intrigued him about her. Ria's thoughts were never transparent. The ongoings in her line of thought is a mystery to him.

She isn't like any girl she's even met before.

Kung nagkataong maganda lang si Ria, nung first week pa lang ng classes, niligawan na niya siya.

It wouldn't have been a big deal. May itsura naman siya- in fact lots of people have said na gwapo siya, and kahit papaano naman siguro, may personality siya, there's no Reason for Ria not to like her.

And kung naging sila and then he found out that he couldn't love her, they'd break it off, but he'll remain friends with her, as with his other past relationships.

But somehow Kian didn't think Ria would be up to that. Kung naging sila and then nag-break sila, he thinks Ria would probably hunt him and his descendants forever.

Ganyan siya ka-takot ka Ria.

Pero lahat yan ay nasa isip lang niya.

Ria is not a very beautiful girl, Ria is not his girlfriend, he and Ria were not together, he and Ria cannot break-up, and it even looks like she isn't going to fall for the likes of him.

But he would like to be friends with her.

"Ria!" he called out to her, but she didn't respsond, her gaze straight and unwavering. Hindi ba parang masyado pang maaga to be daydreaming?

"Hey suplada!" he called her again.

This time, her shoulders raised abruptly, like she'd been surprised, then turned to look at him.

Finally, your attention.

"Kanina pa kita tinatawag pero hindi mo 'ko pinapansin", he said with a smirk, "sabay na tayo umuwi."

For an answer, Ria looked at him blankly, at medyo tumayo ang mga balahibo sa batok ni Kian at that gaze.

Then she nodded.

Paglapit niya kay Ria, he could see that her eyes were glazed, as if she'd been in the verge of tears before he called her out.

"Huy, ayos ka lang?" he asked, concerned. No self-respecting man wants to be beside a crying girl.

She nodded again.

"Anong problema?" he asked again, unconvinced.

Ria chuckled dryly, obvious pretense, "wala, nag-e-emo lang, uso kasi eh."

Kian raised an eyebrow. Dapat joke 'yon, but she said it with almost no emotions kaya naging corny tuloy. Poor excuse of a joke...

“Corny mo,” he said flatly, but almost unconsciously.

Now that wasn’t meant as a joke, pero tinawanan lang ‘yon ni Ria like it was meant to be funny, and this time, it’s a genuine laugh.

“May load ka?” he asked.

Kian’s got a vague feeling that he’s out of control. Pero hindi niya alam kung bakit. It felt like he was going to do something outrageous any time now.

Ria pulled her cellphone from her bag and offered it to him, “unli.”

Great. Kian smirked inside, for some reason. Then he took the cellphone from her.
“Text mo ko mamaya ha.”

And then dropped the bomb.

Sabi ko na nga ba may gagawin akong...... shet!!!!

What the hell?! Shut up, Kian, shut up!!!!

But he found himself typing his phone number(stop that!!! Stop!!!) and saved it under his name. He was almost tempted to save it under 7vHvW, but fortunately was sane enough to decide against it.

Corny corny corny corny corny!!!!

He handed the phone back to Ria, who had the what are you doing look in her face.

“What?” he asked her, feigning little innocence.

Ria shook her head, “wala”. Tapos tumungo siya na parang may hinahanap sa lupa. Hindi lang masyadong sigurado si Kian, pero parang nakita niyang nag-blush si Ria.

Buti na lang dumating na ang bus.

Pag-akyat nila sa bus, dalawa na lang ang bakanteng upuan, magkatabi pa.

Looks like Lady Luck’s been looking out for him after all.